SHOT Show Predictions

[woodchuck]

Predictions?

MIMs the word on the new Marlins assembled by Remington. Marlin will sit and sulk throughout the SHOT show. BreakFree will at least take pity and give them some bottles from the mini bar so they can spike their soda.

Winchester (back on the wagon after an embarrassing decade of excess and a stint in Belgian Rehab) will be busy at the Remington booth with trolling comments.
"Hey Remmy, did you catch that news piece about your 700 series of rifles? You looked great in the interviews! Have you fixed your trigger? I mean, fixed your safety? Or fixed your striker? Who can tell there are so many parts! Really, did you fix it this time? Bwhahahahaha! Hey, no hard feelings. Hey Marlin- nice fucking leverguns! Bwhahahaha!"

Remington will continue on their hellbent mission to dip every one of their rifles in a New! Exciting! Camo! pattern. The buzz from several years ago, when they introduced Urban Decay Camo-has long since evaporated. The abortive Pink Misfit line of camo didn't sell as well as they wished. Like any insane company, though, they will continue doing the same exact thing expecting different results. Besides, the Pink Misfit Cowboy 870 was destined to be a sought after collector item.

Colt, getting on in years, will wander from the Colt booth and get lost in the SHOT Show. Colt wandered through the Smith & Wesson booth and stared at their AR-15s and 1911s. It all just seemed so familiar... Even hardened industry insiders were touched by the sight of Colt at the Ruger booth staring at Ruger's version of AR-15s. When Colt entered the Remington booth and stood in front of their new 1911 offerings Colt broke down and tears streamed. "I am just so confused," Colt admitted. Embarassed by the sight a young fellow from Magpul led Colt back to the Colt booth.

Ruger will produce the first factory engraved single action they have ever released...no. Wait. Nevermind. That is just the complete owners manual inscribed all over the firearm in size 2.5 font. It is an interesting effect, at least.

Blue Book of Gun Values will annouce that values on the older Ruger models have increased by 15%, but only if you remembered to save the box and papers. Yes, all the papers. That includes the fourteen recall notices for each model- so collectors be wise- save those slips!

Smith & Wesson, full of contempt for the unwashed masses, will be in a contest with Browning to see who can boost their MSRPs to the most ridiculous level.

A spokesman for Browning announced that, as has long been suspected, Browning is undergoing treatment for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Browning's obsessive metal polishing and high gloss finishes had finally reached the breaking point. Browning, putting on a brave face, declined comment but instead merely wiped the fingerprints from the SHOT show samples. Browning requested that show goers wash their hands before they come in the booth.

Beretta's reality show "Beretta, A Family Affair" is all the rage in Europe. The show centers around the Beretta family and the buzz for the coming season is there is a lot of sizzle lurking beneath their latest shotgun "La Contessa". This hot little 28 gauge is rumored to have been special ordered by the Countess of Val Trompia personally. Let's just say there is nothing stock about her stock dimensions.

The series was almost derailed by the spectacular murder of design genius Giugiaro at the fall fashion show in Milan. Just as the new Beretta fashions were announced a shot rang out. The smoke cleared and there was a scene that Caravaggio himself could have painted. A rival designer stood over the body of Giugiaro, smoking pistol in hand. He claimed that not only had Giugiaro seduced his wife, but had also stolen a number of designs from him. He claimed he could forgive the faux leopard print stocks that were in the fall collection, but to steal the avant-garde design of the NEOS was simply too much. He had to die.

Beretta will stamp their entire collection with a single teardrop as a tribute to the early demise of their chief designer. Giugiaro, gone too soon.

Shooters Choice will announce a new product that completely removes the rifling from your barrel with one easy application.

Mossberg, now homeless, will continue to make their shotguns out of metal scavenged from condemned industrial sites and stocks from laminated remnants of pallets. Oddly, the Mossberg (though covered in rust and mildly radioactive) still outperforms the MIMtastic Remington 870. Mossberg will spend most of the show bumming smokes and drink vouchers.

Remington will announce that DPMS will make 1911s and DPMS will announce Marlin will make AR15s and Marlin will announce Remington is going to make lever guns. Bushmaster will annouce they are just going to chuck it all and make revolvers. You are all doomed.

Just when you thought the world could not get more tactical Williams-Sonoma, the cooking gear suppliers have entered the market. Their new tactical line of cookware is sure to please. Products include low-profile lobster claws (with rails), lKevlar obster bibs and the Spatula/AR-15 combo tool. Not to tell tales outside of school, but did we spy Mark Larue sneaking from the booth with the new FRONTLINE battle picnic basket with service for four Operators? That's right, battle picnics will never be the same. Titanium plates and matte finished cutlery all ready to go in a neat little FRONTLINE battle pack. We expect great success for Williams-Sonoma in their new venture.

Weatherby, tapped of new ideas since 1956 will finally go for the brass ring. They will offer a stock completely made out of white line spacers. It is sight to behold, so check out the Weatherby booth.

Sweet's 7.62 will announce they are now making Sweets 50BMG. If you spill it and it eats through the floor and dissolves the plumbing in your house, so caution is advised.

Glock will continue to be mysterious. Their booth will only contain a giant perfect cube of black polymer (always a crowd pleaser) that emits that odd humming sound.

As always there will be 16 new companies making AR15 clones, 7 new companies making 1911s, and 5 new companies making SAA copies.